You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
