Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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