Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
