I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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