is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
How external is "for external use only"?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
