Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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