a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
