I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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