I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
