My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
