In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
