did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
