so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
