my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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