APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
