You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
