i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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