If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
