The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
