i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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