it wasn't lemon gatorade
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
