i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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