Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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