Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
