already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
