I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
