Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
