AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
