1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
