i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
