I could have mohawked her pubes.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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