Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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