I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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