Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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