this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
