I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
