There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
