i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
