Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
