i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
