i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
