I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
