he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
