My room smells like vodka and shame
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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