And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
