dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
