He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
