I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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