well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
