I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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