Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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