Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
