no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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